Guest blogger Mae Malone - My Mom is an Amateur

My mom is a total amateur.  I am the third baby.  Third!  You would think she would have it together by now. 

I never have on a proper outfit.  Just a onesie.  I have a ton of cute clothes I would love to show off, but whatever.

My cute little booty is all red and sore.   She makes me lay around the house without anything on so I can 'air out'.  Then last weekend, she had our neighbor come over to look at my booty.  I mean seriously, she is a pediatrician, but it was humiliating.  I am not asking you to cure cancer Mom.  Its just diaper rash.  Figure it out.

She also puts eye drops in my eye a few times a day.  I do my best to give her a hard time.  She really needs to perfect her technique.  Mostly, she ends up completely missing or with three drops running down my cheek.
She noticed that I sort of smelled a little cheesy lately.  She finally discovered the ball of ear wax that has been stuck in my ear.  You see, I let milk run out the side of my mouth when I am eating.  I am too full to swallow, but I just keep eating and let the milk run out the other side of my mouth until my mom notices and stops feeding me.  You know how that is, just can't stop eating.  Anyways, obviously she should have figured out where that smell was coming from.  Stop cleaning behind my ear and clean in my ear you clueless lady.

She also does a crappy job taking care of my brother.  She let him hang out like this all day.  Dressed in his PJ shirt.  He got syrup on his face during breakfast, and it was never washed off, so dirt and fuzz collected there all day.  He has on a pink barrette.  She just fed him a few pieces of ham for lunch, which he balled up and ate like an animal.  And to top if off, he had pee pee in his underwear.  Mom made him take it off but then he just threw it next to my bouncy chair.  Gross.  When he finally put on new underwear, it was backwards and his plumber crack was showing.  And no one even helped the little guy out!  I would have.  If I could talk. 

Andrew was also sporting some seriously long finger nails. Mom would say, "Andrew come here so I can trim your nails." He would refuse. Guess what she did? You guessed it. Nothing. So his nails grew so long and he did this to my best friend, Gracie.

His nails have now been trimmed.  She also trimmed mine and succeeded in trimming off the top of my finger.  See what I mean?  Amateur.

At least my sister watches out for me.  She plays with me and makes me laugh.  She is hilarious!