Open letter to lame carpet cleaner dude

Dear Lame Carpet Cleaner Dude,

Thank you for gracing me with your presence earlier this week. I knew we were off on the right foot when you told me my carpet looked worn, and I told you that is because people WALK on it.

And when you asked me how long it has been since I stain-guarded, and I said "not interested", well that pretty much sums up my feelings about everything you said.

And thank you for cleaning everything for the quoted price, like you were doing me a huge flipping favor.

And thank you for chastising me for not telling you that the upstairs carpet is wool. I assumed that an all knowing carpet genius could just sense the wooliness of that carpet.

I particularly enjoyed our conversation that went like this.
"Is your downstairs carpet wool too?" lame carpet dude
"No." me
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
20 minutes later
"That carpet is wool." Lame carpet dude
"No it isn't" me (bear in mind, I am not really sure if it is wool or not, nor do I care, I just wasn't going to give in at this point.)
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"Yes, it is. I can smell it."
"Maybe you are smelling the carpet next to it. That is wool. Oh and when you were here last time you didn't say it was wool."
"Well I need to use a different...Blah blah blah."

I totally respect your enthusiasm and outright passion for your work, I guess, but I don't give two dirty diapers about your carpet cleaning tools.

I don't respect the fact that your interpersonal skills are so poor that I almost had to push you out the door to get you OUT of my house.

I realize at home that night you thoroughly enjoyed telling your wife or girlfriend (lucky lady) about this woman you met that day and how dumb she was. Rest assured, the feeling is mutual.

Bridget

P.S. Good job on the carpets buddy, they do look great.